“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
(photo from bobsbarricades.com)
For me, it’s when I miss a couple of workouts, or eat a couple of really bad-for-me meals in a row. The mind plays a dastardly trick: it tries to convince me that it’s time to give up, that it’s easier to spiral lazily in the vortex of “what’s the point of trying” than to pick up and move on. Funny isn’t it? How effortlessly effort itself becomes the enemy.
Be it diet, exercise, studying, leading a life of strength and independence, or just turning the doorknob of a classroom and entering, our psyches do an excellent job psyching us out. I don’t think it’s the fear of effort that paralyzes us. Fear of failure, of being physically attractive, of (ahem-) dancing in public, of not having a significant other, of not being good enough, of conflict, of abandonment, even fear of success…..the real roadblock is the is the fear of facing your fears!
And the ONLY way to smash through the roadbloaks and get peace? Step on the gas and drive head-on into those fears.
You are the driver, and the fears are cowering behind one of Bob’s Barricades (ever wonder how rich “Bob” must be?).
It’s NOT the other way around. You are behind the wheel. The drive may have some uncomfortable miles; so what? Fear–just a sensation. Panic–just a sensation. The panic will stop in a minute. The loneliness will evolve into sweet solitude and personal strength. If he’s (or she’s) “just not that into you,” okay; sad, but it’s clearly not meant to be. Nobody’s watching you dance anyway, so flail on. Afraid of conflict? Speak your truth anyway, people are supposed to disagree and argue sometimes (just fight fair, which means listen to the other person and NO name calling). If you succeed at something, guess what? That means you ARE good enough! If you almost succeed, congrats on your future growth potential. If you fail, face the fear of acknowledging it, enjoy the freedom that admitting failure gives you, and move on.
And if you require a little emotional Driver’s Education, put a counselor in the passenger seat and floor it. So it’s hard, scary, and very un-fun at moments. That’s okay too. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes, or you’re not really living your life.
Every minute you wallow in fear is a minute you won’t get back. True, but here’s some more good news: the next minute and every minute of the rest of your life, can and should belong to you. The beginning of your trip, even the middle, may have been bumpy and stormy, but you can turn your vehicle NOW to start the drive to your peaceful destination. It is absolutely, unequivocally, never too late.
So who am I to be giving all this self-help advice?
Just someone, like you, who’s gone through some things. Who’s driving a tank, otherwise known as a 1964 Chevy Impala (my first, best car) through the barricades one at a time. Sometimes they disintegrate, often they splinter into smithereens in a most satisfying manner, and occasionally they bounce off my windshield and jolt the crap out of me. Sometimes it hurts to run them down, sometimes I’m scared, and sometimes I’m very self-conscious. But…
……EVERY time, I feel triumphant and satisfied with the progress I’m making along my Life Map. The vehicle is sturdy (if a bit pinged and dented), the engine is tuned and the gas tank is full. Bob had better manufacture a few more of his barricades because they won’t be slowing me down anymore. Who wants to come along?
Believe me please, it’s worth the trip.
Sorry about the virtual vandalism, Bob.